Delicious! Developmental Stages “ Wow, that's one really ugly animal hiding over there in the corner! And what's with all this sticky stuff on the walls and the cocoons in the ceiling? I think I'm gonna walk up to it and see what species it is.” Xenomorphs care for their young, teaching them Xenomorphese early on. Very unfortunate, but that stuff was eaten by human beings, also. It is highly unlikely, but widely theorised that some chinese cook in the New York Chinatown REALLY got off the track with that Sechuan goo, and there were plenty of leftovers, which were in turn fed to the kitties, who are theorised to know even the most excruciating constipated shit about Xenomorphs. There is no reliable source as to where these sonovabitches come from. OK? Alright, now hold reeeeeeel still, aaaannnd. Honestly, I'm surprised that you've lived long enough to read this paragraph. It's only a matter of time before the attacks begin. Xenomorphs found in the toilet (known as aqua-xenos) are particularly ill-tempered and will kill you in an especially gruesome manner, often as you use said toilet. Under your kitchen sink, in your children's closets, and wedged inside your home ventilation system. In this day and age Xenomorphs can be found living all around you. Surviving ecologists have since removed Xenomorphs from the Endangered Species list and placed them on the Extremely Dangerous Species list. Experts, conservationists, and volunteers from around the world journeyed to Antarctica, where they were immediately devoured or impregnated. When knowledge of the nearly-extinct Xenomorph population became widespread, several organizations were created with the sole purpose of saving this almost-dead species. Well, actually, they can't because they don't have a lower jaw. However, this is not to be confused with LSD which, unlike Xenomorph blood, does not melt through your jaw when you put some on your tongue. Xenomorph blood is a strong acid, but when mixed with sugar and babies forms addictive low-fat, low-carb baby cake. Of course they might have eyes somewhere, but nobody has examined one long enough before getting brutally murdered to find out. They instead smell out your sweat, fear, blood or, most often, a combination of both. No matter how cleverly you think you hide yourself, a Xenomorph will always find you. No human has ever lived long enough to be sure what happens to Xenomorph-slain comrades, except for Sigourney Weaver (a.k.a. It has an allergic reaction to all the pus in the pizza delivery guys' spots. Sadly, the aspiring Xenomorph gourmet invariably ends up burning the butter, dropping the the chives on the floor, and getting the pH of the sodium hydroxide sauce too low.įinally, it hurls the whole mess into deep space, and orders Chinese take-out. It would like to have a nice human being sautéed in clarified butter with some leeks, chives, crushed mint leaves, and sodium hydroxide sauce.
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